My Dark Vanessa

I'm always a little weary about overly hyped books.

Which is why I let My Dark Vanessa sit unread for so long.

But man, this was very well written given the subject matter.

This book is so sad; not boohoo sad, but more of a depressive sad.

 

Vanessa is 14 years old when she transfers to her new high school, a boarding school where she's away from her parents for the very first time. The newness of the school and the freedom she's feeling is everything she could have hoped for. Struggling to make friends, Vanessa turns to her English teacher. Jacob Strane is nearly three times her age, coming in at a weathered 42. But he's giving her the attention she so desperately craves; which is why she believes she was a willing participant when the abuse began.

There's a lot of topics touched on in this book; things like grooming, sexual assault, rape, manipulation, drug usage, and suicide. However, the author found a way to create a dynamic between Vanessa at 15 and at 32. The novel alternates between the ongoing abuse and the aftermath that Vanessa is coming to terms with as an adult. There are great storylines for both Strane and Vanessa. It humanizes both of them. It highlights Vanessa's young mind being corrupted by Strane. It shows Strane struggling with the fact that he's "in love" with a teenager. But it also shows him taking precautions to prevent his reputation if word gets out that he's having an affair with his young student. But with the story being told through Vanessa, we see her naivety shining through everything. If she had never experienced young love, how was she to know that what he was saying and doing wasn't love?

 

I believe if I would have read this as a teenager, I don't think I would feel the same way. I would have been just as caught up in Vanessa's young love story as Vanessa was herself. In Vanessa's mind, she never wanted to back away from him. She was falling for this much older man because he wasn't like the boys her age. He was thoughtful (i.e., giving her books that reminded him of her such a Lolita and Pale Fire). He was constantly asking her if she was okay, because in his mind, he needed to hear her say "Yes, this is okay," in an attempt to clear in own conscious over what he was doing. He knew from the moment he laid eyes on her that she was an innocent girl with no one and nowhere to run to. He took advantage of her in the most obvious way, yet she could not even begin to confront those demons until the very end.

In my opinion, this book deserves all the hype it's gotten.